We’ve all dealt with them from time to time. Jerks! People that treat you with disrespect, throw insults your way, or flip you off in traffic. I’ll provide some insight from the Stoic perspective on dealing with jerks.  

When someone criticizes anything about us, we could take it personally. It’s critical to keep in mind that our perceptions of ourselves are far more significant than those of others. We must lower our guard and give up trying to be flawless. We must be self-aware and present the world with our authentic selves. There are two things we can do in response to someone criticizing us. Either we respond to their criticism positively or we think through our options. Or we can simply ignore it. We can always be true to ourselves, even though we will never be able to please everyone. 

We ought to be aware of our own needs. Because of this, your partner may not be popular with your friends, and your profession may not be well-liked by your parents or family. All of this is irrelevant. They shouldn’t try to force you to comply with them and their views. I firmly believe that friendships, family relationships, and other close relationships should be fostered in a loving and nonjudgmental manner. Even when our principles don’t coincide, I don’t necessarily disagree with you. After determining our true desires, we must incorporate them into our set objectives.

What is important is that we advance a little bit toward our goals every day. Any praise we receive from others should be dismissed. The best we can do at any given time is focus on our own individual objectives. We reach a point where caring about what other people think about us is no longer worthwhile. Up until we start treating feedback as gospel, a fair dosage of feedback is beneficial. We can never win over everyone. We should always be more concerned with what we think about ourselves than what others think.

Even though what other people think ultimately doesn’t matter, we should always be courteous and respectful to everyone. We shouldn’t start to despise someone just because they have insulted us. We need to step back from how we view ourselves and how we protect those views from others. When someone doesn’t like us, we shouldn’t get upset or irritated. We should not allow another person to affect how we feel, particularly when someone insults us. We must distinguish between the things we can control and the things we cannot. You’ve undoubtedly seen that before if you’ve been following my articles. Regardless of how people treat us, we have the power to treat everyone with respect.

To achieve calm is the Stoic’s ultimate aim in life. This implies that we act morally and concentrate on things within our power. When we live morally, we show everyone the same amount of respect. Regardless of what others do, we should always live in accordance with the rest of the world and our own personal ideals. Everyone deserves respect, even those who upset us. After all, while we have no influence over the opinions of others, we do have some in terms of our own ideas and behaviors. This strategy also enables us to develop the virtue of justice. Therefore, when others upset us, it is our obligation to manage our anger.

The Stoics devised a number of methods to keep themselves from becoming enraged by insults. As soon as someone insults us, pause. After pausing, we have a few options on how to proceed. This will vary depending on the circumstances and motives of the insulter. As an illustration, someone might make fun of us for being overly large. This is accurate if we are overweight. Why is it offensive when someone presents something that is obvious? And why would we find something that is true offensive?

Other times, the person being insulted can be mistaken. If someone has the facts wrong, even if they are well-intentioned, they may disrespect us. If they truly believe what they are saying, the best strategy is to simply state the facts as they are. It also helps to take into account the insulter. You shouldn’t be angry if you respect the person and value their views. To get irritated when your martial arts instructor critiques your skills, for instance, would be silly. It is advice and suggestions from a more qualified source who only wants to see you succeed.

The ideal analogy for those who purposely insult us is a child. Furthermore, it would be silly on our part as adults to take offense at what a child says. These people deserve our sympathy, not our rage or irritation. We shouldn’t live our lives fearing rejection or seeking favor. If none of the other strategies work, we can decide to take no action. We have the option to keep silent and disregard their slights. It is undoubtedly preferable to remain silent than to engage in an argumentative exchange. But laughter is arguably one of the best defenses against insults. Using a witty comeback can often shift the situation to one of humor and de-escalate it.

When dealing with irritable people, we should reflect on our own failings in order to be able to overlook theirs. We shouldn’t get irritated when other people act a certain way since that is how they are predestined to act. People shouldn’t be able to undermine our sense of compassion towards them. No matter what they do to us, we should always respect and be kind to them. After all, morally upright people don’t hold grudges. We shouldn’t live our lives trying to win the favor of others or avoiding their criticism. Instead, consider them to be nothing more than barking dogs.

The first thing we must do while dealing with insults is to cease looking for other people’s approval. We must be true to who we are and what we stand for. One of the few things in life that we can control is this. We must also practice being compassionate in our responses to insults. After all, we ought to respect everyone. even the people we believe have harmed us. Further, we are capable of handling insults like Stoics. By embracing the truth, overlooking others’ errors in judgment, or welcoming constructive criticism, we might adopt the Stoic way of thinking.